Sometimes I Forget…

I have been so very lax in posting here ever since we lost our boy.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to share, God knows there are a million and one dog-related topics bouncing around my brain at this very minute. But since sending Jet to the Rainbow Bridge I’ve had some difficulty finding my feet.

I know, we all miss our dogs when we have to say goodbye, but saying goodbye to Jet was more than that…

For every single second of my life, I have worn a shroud of anxiety. I worried about the worst that could happen, I doubted myself, and I indulged in obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve found comfort in my dogs.

There is something about the companionship of a dog that, for me, quiets those compulsions, takes the edge off the anxiety, and refocuses my mind.

When it comes to Jet, though, it was something more.

Ironically, Jet was the most anxious dog I’ve ever parented, but there seemed to be an understanding in that anxiety…a “me too” if you will.

A single look from my boy would say “I know, I get it, but I think you’re amazing and beautiful and brave and you can do this!”

And I would.

I would because he needed that from me.

He needed me to prove to him that it was okay.

There was something in that…that and the way his heavy head would rest on my leg, my arm, my chest, my belly.

It was a companionship that defined us both and while I knew that it wouldn’t last forever, I wasn’t quite prepared for doing it all on my own. And I won’t lie to you, it’s been HARD.

As it got harder I started letting things slide and one of those things was this site.

I forgot that there is so much more to Philosophy of Dog than my life with Jet.

I forgot that so many of you come here for help, for advice, for guidance, or just to hear a “me too”.

Yesterday I received two comments from readers that brought home to me the importance of keeping things here alive even when I’m struggling.

Yesterday TWO parents of senior dogs thanked me for just being here. They thanked me for sharing our stories, for sharing the ways that we were able to work around the many obstacles in Jet’s life, and for giving them hope.

Yesterday I was reminded of why I act as a voice for senior dog parents in particular…but most of all, I was reminded that even though my boy is gone, I still have a lot of senior dog parents who need me to prove to them that it’s okay.

And it is, it really really is.

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