We have since brought him home in his heart-shaped urn and he sits on a shelf in the bedroom where I work every day.
It’s been sixteen days of ups and downs.
I am familiar with grief.
Most of you know that three years ago, my younger brother passed away very suddenly. He was 25-years old.
When I lost my brother, I lost part of my identity. It’s hard to explain if you’ve never lost a sibling. You lose what was, what is, and what will be, but you also lose part of your identity, your “big sister to…”
It took me a very long time to grieve my brother. You see, life doesn’t prepare you for things like that.
Losing Jet…it was different. I knew that the time was coming, but in losing Jet I did not lose my identity so much as I lost a part of me as well as my purpose.
Jet’s daddy and I have no two-legged children, Jet was our “child”, our focus, our world and while we have no doubt that letting him go was the right thing to do, we are grieving for our loss. How long will we grieve? I don’t know.
Part of us needs another dog, someone to ease the grief, to draw away the focus from what we have lost. Yet thinking of another dog, my heart aches as my mind wanders back to Jet. Another dog would never be Jet. Another dog can’t fill that hole in my heart. Another dog would have their own habits and personality and that’s just fine, but today it’s not. Today I want my boy back, today I want his habits, his personality, his thick bear neck, his sweet smell, his soulful eyes and his late night grumbles.
I know that in time another dog will find us. I have no doubt that Jet will send one our way and when he does, we will know it. It may be two weeks from now or it may be two years from now, but I hope with all my heart that whenever it is, that they will bring us the same amount of love and joy that our sweet boy brought to us throughout his lifetime.