Thoughts on Relationships, Co-Parenting Pups, and Happiness


Sleeping Dog

Sleeping DogAs a dog mom without a dog, I have been having a difficult time again these past few days.

Since Finn went back to my parents, I have once again been trying to adjust to life without a dog.

I’m not sleeping well. There’s something about the night time grumblings, kicking, and fidgeting of a dog that helps me to sleep.

In my sleep-deprived state, I have also been trying to burn the candle at both ends. Stay busy. Keep my mind off missing my boy.

I know, it’s natural to feel grief, but grief and I aren’t friends.

Grief has a terrible habit of pulverizing me.

Those who know me would say it’s the virtue of being “sensitive”.

That may be true, but this time I’m doing my damnedest not to let it take over.

For me, the pain of being without a dog by my side can be soothed by four legs, a wagging tail, and a cold nose. Unfortunately, for Jet’s daddy, it’s not that “simple”.

Should that matter if adopting another dog would help me? If another dog would soothe my soul?

YES!

Quite a few people have suggested that if another dog would help me to center myself again, that I should just do it. After all, I’m a grown woman, right?

Yes. I am a grown woman. But I am a grown woman who has sixteen years in a successful relationship and those sixteen years didn’t come from being inconsiderate of someone else’s needs.

Relationships…any relationship…is about compromise. It’s about consideration. It’s about doing what is best for you both.

So yes, I could go right ahead and adopt another dog, but if I did, I would simultaneously be telling Jet’s daddy that his wellbeing is insignificant. That his happiness came after mine. That I was more important than he is. And of course, these things are not true.

We can have a tendency to become selfish in situations like this. As primitive or isolated human beings, our instinct is to self-soothe, to make ourselves feel better regardless of the impact. The problem is, however, that we are not primitive creatures, nor are we isolated.

When we share our lives with others, when we create a family of our own, we must take responsibility for how we make those other people feel.

So, while I could go ahead and adopt another dog now, I would be doing so at the expense of someone I love. I would be abandoning the foundation of reciprocal respect, caring, and understanding that has enabled our relationship to withstand sixteen years together. And I won’t do that.

So for now, I wait. I watch as potential pups pass through local rescues, I let Jet’s daddy know when one calls to my heart, and I respect when he says “not today”.

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