Then this afternoon, as I sat down to my laptop, the words from Henry V echoed around my head…
“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;”
What does it mean?
It means that we rally. It means we face things head-on. It means we be brave no matter how desperately bravery tries to sneak out of the back door…
This past week I made the statement that I would be blogging here more regularly after a rough few weeks.
…but then I didn’t.
And now it’s Saturday and I’ve made all of one blog post this week, I have products to share with you all, I have articles to write, I have e-mails to answer, and…if I’m being honest, I’m feeling more than a little overwhelmed.
As I sit here looking down at Jet sleeping peacefully on his bed, I see quiet, I see calm, I see that same pup we brought home 15 years and 4 months ago. But things change on a dime these days.
My boy is still excited to see me. He still loves his food. He still has life in his eyes. He still wants to “do”, it’s just that his legs can’t keep up with him anymore. He needs help to get to his feet, he frequently falls as his legs give way, and potty accidents are happening with increased frequency.
But is that it?
Is that the sign we’re all told to look for? The sign that we expect to be brightly lit in pink and red neon bulbs?
…or is that just a matter of getting old?
“It’s about quality of life”, they say, but just what is it that defines “quality of life”?
I turn to the “questionnaires”, the generic paperwork that is designed to help you to decide your pup’s quality of life and every time, EVERY TIME, we are on the cusp.
I’ve asked Jet’s daddy multiple times in the past few weeks – “Do you think it’s time?”
Everytime Jet’s daddy says “No.” But part of me wonders if he’s afraid to say yes…but part of me wonders if I’m panicking. I don’t want to act too late, but I don’t want to take away a single second from my boy’s life either.
“It’s better to be a week too early than a minute too late” say vets around the world.
They’re right…but what about two weeks too early? Three?
Forgive me for rambling, it’s been a long week and I have a lot on my mind…
For 15 years and 4 months, Jet has been our only child. And how do you decide to end that?
I don’t have an answer.
For the first time, I don’t know what is best for my boy.
So…what am I going to do? What are we going to do?
For now, for this very singular moment, I’m going to wrap my arms around him, remind him of how much he is loved, and remind myself to feel blessed for every second we have had together. And then? Then I will dare to “summon the blood” and peer unto the breach.